I finally got to see T this weekend. It was really nice. I’d missed him a lot. Friday he said he wasn’t coming until after 7, which was good because our offices moved up a few floors and we are moving stuff all afternoon so I was hot and sweaty and dusty and wanted to take a shower before he came. It was cool too because I got to take home the mini fridge and microwave from the office because we had new ones for the new office. Good deal!
Speaking of that I have to tell you how funny it was for me and G to get that into my little car. We rolled it to the elevator on a desk chair and then out to my car, giggling the whole way. We felt so silly! It was made even worse when a man stopped us in the elevator on the way up and insisted on knowing why we had a chair with us. I thought G was going to die of embarrassment, but I just told him the truth. He said it was ingenious and “You’re hired.” I laughed.
Oh, I wanted to tell you something I’d forgotten to write about a long time ago. When T and I had our first kiss (after dinner with G and her sister) and I got home I texted her. It was so funny. I could hear the excitement in her texts. Hehe. Makes me smile even now.
Anyway, so I got home and took a shower and put on makeup *gasp* and got all pretty for him. He even asked me when he got there what I was all dressed up for. I pointed at him. He asked why and I made a little heart motion on my chest. I really did miss him bunches.
So we hung out Friday night and went to bed early because we were really tired. The next day he asked me what I wanted to do and I had been reading a community newspaper and had seen an article about a local park I had not been to before. So we went up to it. It was a drive through some wooded areas and there really was not much to it. It was cute though and something to do.
Then he got sick feeling and he let me drive back towards home. Shocking. He’d never let me drive his car before. Anyway, he wanted to stop and see if he could find a CD he wanted me to hear at the Lifeway, but they didn’t have it. We stopped and got a cookies and cream shake from Chick-Fil-A. Those are addictive. And then Mom started calling me about dinner so I went to the store and he waited in the car. I don’t really know how long I took probably about half an hour, but I had a lot to get.
So then I got home and he laid down and Mom and I made dinner. We had calzones, which were okay but nothing too great. When I woke him to eat he was really out of it still. He has a hard time waking up. I don’t know why. I mean, I have times when it is hard to get going but usually only after a Benadryl or something.
So then after dinner we played a game with Mom and Bro and then watched TV for a little while. Watched an old episode of Charlie Chan, which is funny but kind of inappropriate too with the Asian stereotypes. I couldn’t tell if he liked it or not because he was just not really awake. *sigh*
I finally turned off the TV and we made out for a while. But we went to bed early(ish) again that night. Sunday morning he was up when I got up. He said he had been up since 6am. I don’t know why. *sigh* Anyway I made him waffles and had a bowl of cereal before I woke up Mom. We went to church and the sermon was on marriage and the roles. It wasn’t too bad, mostly just follow God first. I have no issues with submission (as far as I know) but I do want T to step up and be a man…
Anyway, we went home after church and I made sandwiches. Gram was with her sister and Bro was out and Mom went to take a nap so T and I sat on the couch and just chilled for a while. I was thinking about taking a nap too but then we started making out major time. It was fun. I’d missed his touch. And he’s missed mine. I think it was good that we were together and not making out before that though because it helped me to remember why I loved him more than just because he could make me feel good physically.
I don’t know why, but I always feel foolish after he leaves. I mean as far as making out goes. Like it was inappropriate or something. Or I was too passionate. I know that sounds silly, but most of the time I am much more obvious about how I enjoy our making out then he is. I know he has to keep in control more too though because we don’t want to go too far. I don’t know… Just me being weird probably.
Anyway, then I had to go to G’s house to meet with her sisters and talk about her bachelorette party. Apparently after I left T stayed and took a nap before going home. Freaked Mom out.
So I went to G’s and we talked about the party. I never knew there was so much involved in all this wedding stuff. I don’t think mine will be like that. I don’t care too much about traditions and silly stuff and a bachelorette party for me would be pretty tame and boring. I mean, I don’t have many friends and it would probably be more of a wedding shower than anything else.
Anyway, I finished there but I didn’t want to go home. They invited me to stay and eat with them but I don’t like being around people for that long. I guess I’m an introvert. It just makes me stressed and tired, but I do get lonely sometimes too… I don’t know.
So instead of heading straight home I went in that direction and stopped at a Panda Express to eat. Instead of eating in my car like I usually do when I eat alone I sat in the restaurant and watched the people. It was slow but it was nice to sit at a table and eat. Felt weird not to have to rush or have a thousand phone calls or someone demanding I get something/do something or talk. Peaceful.
It also felt weird to spend money on just myself. And being able to choose what to eat and when and how much. I’ve never really done that. Even when I didn’t live at home I still fed my roommate or just ate whatever the cafeteria had. It felt strange not to be on someone else’s time schedule. I didn’t have to rush home because they thought I was at G’s. T was long gone. No one was counting on me. Shocking. I felt like I was cheating somehow. Like the whole world was open to me and I could do anything I wanted. But I was too scared to do anything besides eat and then go home.
Makes me want to cry. I want to be more adventurous, more involved in life, but I don’t know where to start. I don’t know. Sometimes it makes me sad that I have been consumed by family. Because I can see it going from where I am now to taking care of T and them (to a lesser extent) to taking care of T and them and kids to getting old and wondering who I am and what I was supposed to do now that I’m all alone. Wow. Maudlin.